Screwed Up!
by Keiko Murikami
Summary: Wendy and Cartman both wake up in the wrong place with no memory of how they got there...Kidnapping? Magic? Vortex? Things seem to be getting worse as Cartman changes in disturbing ways...


**Screwed Up**

This is my first serious Cartman x Wendy fic. Plz be nice!

I love sci-fi fics! ;3 Yay for vortexes and Catch-22's! XD This is only the first chapter, so it might be kinda short. Also, this idea is being created along the way. I don't even have an ending yet either! Tell me if something doesn't make sense or sound right...

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Cartman woke up dazed and disoriented. 'Where the fuck am ah?' He thought scanning the room. The walls were definitively not his, and neither was anything else occupying the room. It was about this time he noticed a warm spot next to him. His heart started pounding and a million questions ran through his mind. 'Oh shit. Oh shit. Shit!' He repeated nervously. He slowly craned his neck and to his horror and surprise; he found Wendy Testaburger (fully clothed in PJ's, I might add).

He breathed a sigh of relief; thanking God it wasn't Kyle. (Makes you wonder what scenario he was thinking of, huh? XD) Still, he sat there wondering what had occurred last night. He remembered going to sleep in HIS bed, not this one. The color drained from his face as he caught a glance of himself in the mirror across the room...

'This is not mah body.' He thought narrowing in on the six-pack chiseled into his chest. The reality of that sentence fell down on him as he realized that he looked...Older. He resisted the urge to scream and quickly ran to the bathroom to empty his stomach. He dry-heaved while beads of sweat ran down his face. To his horror, he felt tears prick his eyes. His anger returned when he noticed that this was not how he usually reacted. It seemed more mature than his usual childish antics. To him 'mature' meant being a pussy, and not practicing violence. By his definition those people were hippies.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" A shriek emanated from the bedroom (?) he was just in. Cartman rolled his eyes and calmed down enough to resist the urge to rip her throat out. He leaned against the door frame watching her break-down; enjoying the brand of entertainment. He snickered at her beating her own head. Wendy growled and threw a pillow at him, since she couldn't find anything lethal nearby.

"SHUT UP, FAT-ASS!" She screamed. Cartman thought it sounded similar to Godzilla's roar.

"Gawd dammit, stop screaming bitch!" He roared shaking the house.

"I'll scream if I want to, Cartman! Now, tell me why I'm-" She stopped when she noticed what he looked like. Cartman was tall now, she would be betting on six feet tall. His fat was completely gone; replaced by a six-pack and muscles. Her observation was cut short when Cartman opened his big mouth.

"Enjoying the view, bitch? Ah didn't think you were into meh..." He smirked proudly. His smirk was wiped off his face when she threw the clock radio at his head.

"Piss off, Cartman! ...I don't know what happened, but we need to fix it. Let's work together and figure it out; that way we can go home." She ordered coldly.

"...Why teh hell should ah work with you?" He dead-panned staring at her.

Wendy narrowed her hazel (?) eyes and promptly Rochambeau-ed him in the balls. She answered his question from earlier as he lay writhing in pain: "Because you can't get home and eat until you do." He glared up at her and sighed in defeat.

"Fine, but we WILL get home before the day's over or else." He threatened darkly.

"Oh, I'm so scared! You won't do anything to me anyway..." She mocked him happily.

After they both reconciled (for now); both Wendy and Cartman worked together to see if anything odd happened the day before...Or at least they tried to work together.

"Ah know ah saw Token doing black magic! He's after all of us!" He waved his arms hysterically. Wendy was close to slitting his throat with a pocket knife. She even had a plan to bury the corpse too...

"For the last time, Token does NOT practice black magic! I don't even think it exists!" She spat frustrated. "Then how do you explain my jail time?" He asked trying to prove his theory. She twitched angrily and balled her hands into fists, cutting her palms. "Because, Cartman...YOU ARE A FAT RACIST SON OF A BITCH!" Wendy grabbed a knife off the floor (...) and aimed it at Cartman. He gulped and tried to calm her down. "Wendy, it's okay! You're right, Token isn't a warlock!" She let out a war-like cry and embedded the knife in the carpet below. Wendy ripped it back; creating a huge gash in the floor. He sighed and tried to remove the lump in his throat. "Next time it may be you, fat-ass. Don't. Fuck. With. Me." She whispered dangerously. Her eyes went back to normal as she smiled happily; calming down.

Cartman tried to gain his pride back, and assert his 'authoritah'. "Whatever, bitch." He choked out nervously, trying to sound intimidating.

"Shut up, asshole. Let's get back to work." She commanded irritated. Both of them started writing down everything that had happened the day before. Cartman couldn't concentrate; he felt weak and used for some reason. He glanced at Wendy out of the corner of his eye and shuddered...

'Whatever happened, ah've got to fix it before THIS becomes worse. Ah've got a weird feeling that I'm not in South Park anymore...' He thought anxiously.


End file.
